My nextU

Thank you ee cummings! This insight reveal so much about why it is important to tell others about the meaning that they have had in our lives and why it is so hard to take steps into the unknown. There are two key thoughts for me: we believe in ourselves when someone reveals that we are intrinsically valuable; when we believe in ourselves we can take risks.
The implications are that if I want to unlock my dreams and passion, I first need to bolster my self-worth make it more visible to myself. The more I validate my feelings, insights, inklings, enthusiasms, the more I free my spirit to fly.
It is a recipe that is part remembering, part believing, part play – and you can get better at it in  three minutes. Here is how:

1.     Think of someone who values you. Allow yourself to breathe in all of their appreciation without censorship. Notice how you feel.
2.     Close your eyes.Imagine that appreciation takes the form of a special, unbreakable thread that leads somewhere. Allow yourself to follow it until it comes to the place that your appreciation has been designed to take you. Imagine yourself in this place – temperature, light, texture, air quality, landscape, people. Notice how you experience yourself  standing in this place. When you have a full experience of it, come back to your chair.
3. What did you especially like that you would like to experience more of? What other thoughts occur to you now?

brain plasticity, breathing, change your life, finding joy, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, women and change

Saying "yes" to your deep self is the fuel of reinvention

How’s your dream? Perhaps, it is close at hand, on the horizon or invisible. You can bring it to life, starting with one incredibly profound step: say “yes” to your self.

It sounds simplistic, so I invite you to try it for yourself. Remember that person you always wanted to be? He or she is still inside. You talk to that person all the time, usually listing all the ways you should be different than you are or comparing yourself to others.
•    Go ahead: Nod your head yes.
•    Say it out loud.

Notice the difference this creates in your body, attitude, and mind. You might notice a release of tension or energy, some sadness or excitement.

Notice whatever surfaces and do it again.

“Yes” is the micro-fuel of change. Each time you say yes, you are adding to the tank that propels you into something new and keeps you going.

brain plasticity, change your life, finding joy, get unstuck, gross national happiness, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times

According to Mona Simpson, Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow! were the last words of Steve Jobs. She tells a completely moving story, which you should read in the New York Times, but I have a question:

While I aspire to have that be my last utterance, what if I lived OH WOW! OH WOW! OH WOW! everyday? What if  I brought OH WOW! into my most mundane practices?

Here’s my first try. I made a cup of tea. Instead of judging myself for wanting honey in it, I thought OH WOW! Honey! It made this humble cuppa exciting, special, daring and worth paying attention to all the way to the bottom.

What if you dedicate 5 minutes today to OH WOW! What thoughts or feelings come to mind?

aging, breathing, change your life, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, What's really important, women and change

How would candlelight affect the way you solve problems?

How do you “get better” at something?

I think, “I must fix that… NOW!” I turn the klieg lights of my attention on the challenge in order to exterminate it.  There is another option: candlelight.

As a metaphor, Klieg lighting is extreme, harsh, it makes me squint or wear sunglasses; I contract.

On the other hand, imagine a lit candle. Notice the physical and mental effects of imagining this candle.

Everyone and everything looks more beautiful by candlelight. Because the lighting is softer and warmer, I use different sensory apparatus and respond differently to the stimulus.

How does it affect your thoughts about getting better at something?

brain plasticity, change your life, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, women and change

Cotton courtesy of Agriterra.org

Pop culture may be all about conquest through hard bodies, minds, attitudes, but I find more victory in softening.

Softening helps me pay attention both to what’s going on inside me and  widens my perspective on what is going on in the rest of the world. Softening gives me many more options beyond my knee-jerk response. I can listen, consider, create a space for negotiation.  It is an extremely effective strategy to reduce stress and a critical piece in the sleep process.

Softening is doing nothing , rather, it’s a very active practice. Try it yourself. Notice how you feel right now. Take five breaths and each time you exhale imagine that you can soften, first, your muscles, then with each succeeding breath, your skin, breath, jaw, eyes. Notice the effects of this softening.

Even writing these words gives me an experience of more calm, a frisson of joy, and a sense of well being. How is it for you?

aging, brain plasticity, breathing, change your life, faith, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, sleep, surviving tough times, transitions, What's really important, women and change

“As one’s trust in the hidden goodness of life becomes stronger,
it will be possible to bless more and more of life’s ambiguities.”

–Demetrius Dumm

aging, brain plasticity, breathing, change your life, faith, finding joy, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, What's really important, women and change

Do you focus on the container or the experience?

I had a lot of preconceived ideas about ‘real’ meditation practice. One had to sit in a special way on a special cushion for a long time. I never do that kind of meditation.

Once I gave up the notion that form was better, I actually got to an organic practice.

What works for me is not the time or accessories, rather to give myself the time to soften so I can notice what I am feeling and thinking then, I can detach any significance of those sensations and give my mind an opportunity to quiet.

This is a great reminder to let go of all the rules I have about how things are ‘supposed to be’ and focus on what delivers the experience.

aging, brain plasticity, breathing, change your life, faith, get unstuck, gross national happiness, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, What's really important, women and change

When you look at this, do you see the liquid or the space?

My mother used to always chide me to change my attitude and look at my life as a ‘glass half full.’ I used to get angry, because I only saw what I thought I lacked. Both of us missed an important opportunity.

Instead of judging what I had or comparing myself to the imagined full glasses of others, there is a powerful third option: look at the gift of the empty space.  There aren’t any rules there. There isn’t any good or bad, right or wrong. Anything could happen. Empty is a mystery that can only be solved by exploring and experiencing for myself.

What thoughts and meaning come to mind when you take a moment for the emptiness? What does having a little more space in your life give you?

aging, breathing, finding joy, get unstuck, gross national happiness, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, What's really important, women and change

What's the smallest unit of a dream called?

Since I graduated from kindergarten, people have been telling me to follow my dream. The problems for me have been which dream? or was this particular dream the right one? Most of the time, my dreams seemed too big and too unrealistic to spend time chasing.

Instead, I propose a new, more realistic goal: the dream-let.

The dream-let is a tiny unit of dream. It fits in your pocket or wallet or somewhere else convenient. It can be realized in the time it takes for something else you are waiting for to transpire. For example, the time it takes your shower water to get hot, computer to boot up, phone call to ring enough to put you in voice mail…

What would happen if you re-claimed this time for your self?

What would be your dream-let today?

How does it feel to fulfill it?

aging, faith, finding joy, get unstuck, personal growth, simplify your life, surviving tough times, transitions, women and change

I was going to write... really....

Do you ever congratulate yourself for procrastinating? Chances are that, like me, you are an expert.

Try it. Go ahead – make a list of all the great ways you have avoided or postponed starting something. Think of all the very sophisticated or basic strategies you’ve used and how extremely effective they have been.

Now, notice how you feel. I notice that once I have praised myself, I no longer feeling resistance. I feel positive and ready to do the next thing. Instead of  my usual endless mental cycle of resist, berate, regret, the big task seems easy to start on.

What do you notice?

aging, change your life, faith, finding joy, get unstuck, mortality, personal growth, simplify your life, transitions, What's really important, women and change